• 1 Year

    A year ago on the 13th was when I went in for an ultrasound, and they quickly added a CT scan on top of that since I was already there. 

    A year ago today (the 19th) I went in to get my first (of 3) biopsies done. (And then left the hospital hours before they wanted me to so I could sign my family in to Disneyland…haha that was one CRAZY day. Not recommended.)

     A year ago Sunday (the 21st) I married Danielle. 

    365 days?? That’s it!? It feels like this year has been more like 500 days long. 

    I’ve spent too much time down for the count, which I’m sure was actually harder on Danielle and my mom than it was on me. I’ve spent months with swollen eyes, a puffy throat and face due to gland swelling, little-to-no voice, coughing that kept me sleeping on the couch, and wishing I just had enough saliva to swallow with out a sip of water. It’s been a little rough- and those were the easy side effects!

    But I’ve spent this year so surrounded by love and support! I continue to be grateful to all of you. I’m still uplifted when I see you guys wearing the green bands- trust me, I notice them all the time! They truly help more than I could have imagined. There was one day on the boat that I was having a rough time and was thinking about calling down to someone on the ground to get tagged out, but when I stopped and looked around, I saw the entire crew wearing a bracelet. Everyone around me was telling me that they believed in me with out having to speak. And so I stayed and finished my tasks until it was time for all of us to climb down. Sounds super cheesy, but it’s true. Those little things have helped me through lots of small moments. So THANK YOU to those of you wearing them still!!

    I’ve seen loved ones get married, get pregnant, have babies, start new jobs, fall in love, all the BEST things in life. But I’ve also seen loved ones go through things even worse than what I’m dealing with- losing parents or grandparents, dealing with injuries, job loss, going through diagnoses and treatments of their own. It has been a year full of ups and downs in ways I don’t normally notice. 

    …Watching the bad stuff is harder for me now. I wish I could put a pause on everyone else’s sorrow until I am better. I wish I could do more to help. I’ll continue to try- by keeping my spirits as high as possible, by letting you all know I love you whenever I can, by reaching out to friends and family who are far away. I’ll try to act like I’m wearing a green band for all of you. I hope you can feel it. And please let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help you make it through a day. 

    For those who haven’t heard, my next scan and follow up are in mid July. I’m anticipating hearing that I’ll be needing another round of treatment soon. I’m hoping Dr. Finn will agree to wait until the first week of August so that I’ll be well enough to travel for my family reunion the last week of July. Basically, I’m trying to go through this summer pretending I’m healthy as can be, and I can’t wait to enjoy every day!

    Peace to all, life to all, love to all. Om shanti, shanti, shanti.